We are officially in the thick of the holiday season, which if you are anything like my husband, may have already started in October for some of you ( I am strict in the camp that the Christmas tree does not go up until AFTER Thanksgiving – it’s a yearly Crawford family argument). 

While this time of year may be joyous for some, for others it may bring painful emotions, and for others, maybe a little of both.

Hanging the stockings may bring the harrowing reminder that there is one less stocking to hang this year due to the passing of a loved one. Gatherings with friends and family may feel tense or awkward due to estrangement or difficult dynamics within certain relationships. 

During a time of year that is poised to be bright and cheery, it can feel wrong to not internally be replicating the same. Not only wrong, but it can feel isolating, maybe even shameful.

If you’ve felt any of these emotions or experienced any of these kinds of holidays, I’m here to tell you that it’s OK. That you’re not alone and that it’s natural. 

The holidays are often when some of our most treasured memories were created or are maybe when we wish such memories had been created. They tap into a raw and human place of wanting to be loved and to give love. Into the basic human needs of connecting with others and feeling like we belong. 

We often experience the aforementioned emotions and needs on a daily basis, but the holiday season can magnify them to a sometimes unbearable level. The more intimate and special of times (or relationships), the more intense and raw the reactions.

The holidays are also a time when society pushes comparison down our throats. 

We see movie after movie depicting picture-perfect holidays, families, and romance. We may receive holiday cards from bright-eyed families and friends in perfectly curated matching outfits. It draws a contrast to some of the things that we may feel we are missing in our own lives. However, I hate to break it to you, those movies are not real, and at least 3 of those families fought in the minivan on their way home from the holiday card photoshoot.

It is important to remember that Hollywood and social media platforms are often highlight reels of the best parts of humanity but that highlight reels are not sustainable in the grand scheme of things. We all have our secrets and we all have our messes. 

Not only that but these movies are perfectly designed to make us feel good and to keep coming back for more – they are designed to have answers and clean and clear endings/beginnings. While I love a good holiday feel-good movie just as much as the next person, life is rarely any of those things, all of the time. 

I do not share these things to be a cynic but instead to be real and to take off the pressure of having to be perfect. Because life doesn’t always have answers. It doesn’t always have closure with clean-cut endings. Life is also going to have phases that are heavy on the heartbreak and light on the feel-good. 

So enjoy these holiday-related things as a way to have fun, to keep the inner child in you alive, or to maybe get a dose of some of the things that you wish were currently present in your own life. But don’t use them as the gold standard for your own personal expectations if those standards feel too heavy this year, or maybe all years.

This is your permission to experience your holidays in whichever ways you need. There is no one way to “holiday” so find what feels right for you for whatever season of life you are in. Pick out the moments, events, or things that make you happy and say farewell to the rest for as long as you need to. 

You are not expected to be, or feel, any other way than the ways in which you feel the healthiest and in the ways in which you feel your boundaries and capacities are the most respected. 

Leave the decorations in the basement this year. Get your holiday food premade, or better yet – order your favorite takeout. Don’t force yourself to have awkward conversations with a family member or friend that you are at odds with – say “hi”, “bye”, be civil, and leave it at that. Take back your holidays in the ways that you want them. 

While what feels right for you currently may not have been your first pick, the fact that these decisions will be based on your current authenticity gives you a better chance of experiencing more peace during this season. Different isn’t always worse and plan B is sometimes better than plan A.

Lastly, and most importantly, allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel. Even the hard things. Especially the hard things. 

Avoiding our more difficult emotions is what keeps them the most potent. While uncomfortable, confronting them is what helps free them of their power. Some things will always be sad, difficult, irritating, etc. to think about or experience. That is OK. Some things in life are deserving/meant to be. All of these emotions are important emotions as there is no such thing as a bad or negative emotion. Too much of any emotion or thing can become unhealthy (even emotions like happiness – toxic positivity is a no-go). Regularly processing our difficult emotions is what helps them from crossing that line as often – they’re going to cross it sometimes and that’s ok, we’re human! 

So cry when you need to (it’s one of our body’s most effective ways of lowering the stress hormone cortisol), check in with yourself regularly, confide in trusted friends, and honor your boundaries and capacities. The holidays may bring a mix of emotions but don’t forget the power that you hold in being able to help determine what this time looks like for you – you can do hard things and no is not a bad word. 

Whatever the holiday season may bring, I hope you are able to find moments of happiness, peace, and healing. Check below for more tips on how to make it through the holiday season with your inner peace and healing in mind.

Xoxo,

KC

P.S Read to the bottom to view favorite family recipes shared by our readers!

Holiday Tips and Tricks

Financial

• Do what you can afford. People who truly care about you won’t cause a fuss about the amount of gifts or types of gifts that they receive. They’ll be thankful just for that fact that you thought of them. 
• Find non monetary ways to invest in the people you care about. Spend time helping your grandma do her shopping. Offer to shovel a friend’s driveway. Provide a night of free babysitting for the coworker who is a new parent. “Gifts” do not just have to be physical.
• Do financial planning and research ahead of time. Set a budget based on realistic expectations of what you both want and can spend during the holiday season. Maybe even spend time researching specific gift ideas or necessities ahead of time to find the store that offers the best price. Financial preparation can help decrease impulse buys and keep you better aligned with your financial needs.
• Have healthy conversations with friends and family about finances beforehand. Try sharing things like:
  • “I love our tradition of exchanging gifts and would also like to be increasingly mindful of our budgets this year while doing so. In effort to do so, what if we went with homemade gifts this year?
  • “Thank you so much for the invitation to grab dinner! I really value my time with you and would love to get together soon. Would you be open to trying one of these more casual options? 
  • “This year I am prioritizing my financial wellness so I have created a budget to help me better do so. Here are some things I found that could be fun to do together that are both enjoyable and affordable. I so appreciate your understanding and support of this goal of mine!”

Remember: Conversations regarding finances are not taboo! Being able to communicate respectfully with one another about sometimes uncomfortable topics is a needed and healthy part of any relationship. As is respecting the need discussed!

Emotional

• Do something to satisfy and/or heal your inner child that maybe didn’t get to experience the holidays in the way you would have hoped. Alternatively, maybe you are missing the nostagliga and magic of holidays past. Watch an old favorite movie, bake your favorite holiday treat, and spend time outside enjoying the snow.
• If grieving, do something this holiday in memory of your loved one. Grief is all the love that we had for that person, with now no where to go. Finding ways to put that love into the world, in honor of that person, is a crucial part of grieving. Keep their memory alive through things like bringing their favorite dish to a holiday get together, setting their picture out in a visible place, volunteering for a cause that was important to them, or sharing a story about them with family and friends. Acknowledging their absence keeps them present.
• You are not entitled to give anyone more of your time or energy than they deserve or than is healthy for you – both family and friends included. Let me repeat that: You are not entitled to give anyone more of your time or energy than they deserve or is healthy for you – both family and friends included. Setting boundaries is one of the most important things that we can do to protect our inner peace and not even the holidays are reason enough to cross them. Be thoughtful of your boundaries and ask yourself why you are or are not engaging in certain things and/or relationships. Does that answer still make sense? If not – adjust. 

Spiritual

• Set aside intentional time to remind yourself of the values of why you are celebrating the holiday that you are celebrating. We can get so caught up in the busyness of the holiday season that we forget to enjoy and remember why we are doing it in the first place. Is it religious? Is it familial? Is it cultural? Whatever the basis may be, ground into it. 
• Nature can be spiritual in its own right and can teach us important lessons. Ground into the season and be mindful of the way its characteristics connect with you. Feel the crisp air in your lungs, notice the sound of the crunch in the snow as you walk, pay attention to the way the landscape has changed since the last season. Sit with it. Embrace it. Take in the therapeutic effects that our Earth provides.  

Community

• The holidays are often centered around connecting with those we love. How can we embrace community in other spaces of our life as well?
  • Volunteer at a local charity
  • Send a card to individuals you don’t get to connect with often
  • Donate your used clothes or items
  • Spend time crafting or buying items to donate
    • Buy socks for a homeless shelter
    • Make tie blankets for the hospital
    • Cook a meal for a family in need
  • Host a family or friend game night

Family Favorite Holiday Recipes

Christmas Bark – Renee T.

Ingredients

• 1 12.8oz box Rice Chex cereal
• 1 12oz box Golden Grahams cereal
• 1 7oz bag shredded coconut
• 1 4oz bag slivered almonds
• 1 ½ cups butter (3…yes…3….sticks of butter)
• 2 cups sugar
• 2 cups corn syrup

Instructions

• Combine Rice Chex, Golden Grahams, coconut, and almonds in a large mixing bowl. Stir to combine.
• In a large saucepan, cook butter, sugar, and corn syrup to the “soft ball” stage…about 234 degrees on a candy thermometer. Pour over cereal mixture. 
• Stir the combined mixture well until all pieces are coated. 
• Pour mixture out onto 2 large cookie sheets to cool. Stir around occasionally to prevent clumping
• Store in an airtight container. 

Mexican Wedding Cookies – Amy R.

Makes 3-4 dozen

Ingredients

• 1 cup walnut halves or pieces
• ¾ cup confectioners’ sugar
• 2 ½ cups all-purpose flour
• 8oz (2 sticks) unsalted butter, cut into 1-tablespoon pieces, at room temperature
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1 tsp ground cinnamon

Instructions

• Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
• Place walnuts in a food processor and chop until finely ground but not a paste.
• Add the confectioner’s sugar, flour, butter, vanilla, and cinnamon to the processor and process until the mixture forms a dough.
• Shape the dough into balls about 1 inch in diameter (about 2 tsp of dough) and place on an ungreased baking sheet, leaving space between the cookies.
• Bake for 12-15 minutes, until the cookies begin to turn golden around the edges.
• Transfer to a wire rack. If desired, while the cookies are still warm place some confectioner’s sugar or vanilla sugar in a strainer and tap the strainer over the cookies to give the a light dusting of sugar.
• Vanilla Sugar: Fill a resealable container with confectioner’s sugar. Bury a vanilla bean, split in half,  lengthwise, seal and set aside for at least 24 hours. 

Grandma’s Orange Jello – Kilee C.

Ingredients

• 6 oz of JELL-O orange gelatin mix
• 3 11oz cans of mandarin oranges

Instructions

• Add 2 cups boiling water to orange gelatin mix. Stir 2 minutes until completely dissolved.
• Open cans of mandarin oranges and reserve 1 cup of mandarin juice. 
• Add 1 cup of cold water and 1 cup of mandarin juice to gelatin mixture.
• Add mandarin oranges to mixture. 
• Transfer to serving bowl and refrigerate 4 hours or until firm.

Bacon Green Beans – Rachel L.

Ingredients

• 5 slices bacon
• 1 medium onion, diced
• 2 cloves garlic, diced
• 2 pounds green beans
• 1 tsp red pepper flakes
• ½ cup water
• 1 tbs butter
• 1 tbs white vinegar
• 1 large tomato, diced
• Salt to taste

Instructions

• Cook bacon and drain fat out of pan.
• Use small amount of bacon fat to saute onion and garlic. 
• Add green beans, pepper flakes and enough fat to keep beans from sticking to pan.
• Saute over high heat for 2 minutes.
• Reduce heat to low, add water, and cover.
• Cook for 10 minutes, shaking pan occasionally.
• Add butter, vinegar, and tomato. Heat thoroughly. 
• Add salt and sprinkle with bacon.

Grandma’s Filbert Cookies – Breanna L.

Ingredients

• 2 cups flour
• ½ tsp baking powder
• 1 cup unsalted butter, softened
• ½ cup packed brown sugar
• 2 eggs – separate egg whites from yolks
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• ½ tsp of salt
• 1 ½ cups chopped hazelnuts
• ½ cup seedless jam

Instructions

• Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
• Beat butter and sugar in a large bowl with mixer until light and fluffy. Blend in egg yolks and vanilla and mix until combined.
• Mix flour, salt, and baking powder. Gradually beat flour mixture into butter mixture until combined.
• Beat egg whites lightly with 1 teaspoon of water until frothy. Place chopped hazelnuts in separate bowl.
• Scoop out heaping teaspoons of the dough and roll into balls. Should make about 36 balls.
• Dip dough balls in egg whites, then roll in nuts until evenly coated.
• Evenly place on two parchment-covered baking sheets. Bake for 5 minutes.
• Remove the cookies from the oven and quickly use your thumb to make a depression in the center of each cookie.
• Fill each depression with jam (do not overfill). Bake for an additional 12 minutes until edges are golden brown. Rotate trays once during baking.
• Allow to cool on baking sheet for 5 minutes then transfer to wire cooling racks and allow to cool completely.