New Year…Same(ish) You?

Happy New Year! I hope you all were able to bring in the New Year in ways that felt authentic and peaceful for you. If you were not able to, I hope that you are able to find moments of that kind throughout the upcoming year.

We left each other reflecting on what our 2023 was and what we want our 2024 to be. While I do not necessarily subscribe to the concept of “new year, new me”, I think the idea of a fresh start can be refreshing and sometimes freeing. The start of a new year can be a powerful symbolic reminder of that.

However, before venturing into the throes of what that may look like, I invite you to spend time thanking the version of you that got you through the past year. That version can’t be all bad, right? It got you through the ups and downs of life thus far and for that, we need to be grateful. Take a moment to honor and thank the version of you that has gotten you to this point, picking out specific moments or pieces that you are particularly grateful for. Make sure to not “throw the baby out with the bath water” with that version of you when envisioning what changes ahead for you may entail. You can never get to your future without what you are building and learning in your present.

Next, what exactly do I mean when I say that I do not necessarily subscribe to the concept of “new year, new me”? Do I subscribe to the school of thought that we can make important and necessary changes in our lives at any point in time and that there is always hope for healing and progress? YES. What would be the point of dedicating my career and passions to helping others if I did not believe in the power of change?

However, do I also believe that the phrase “new year, new me” has been commercialized into a pressured, and sometimes, toxic phrase that can prey on our insecurities and create unrealistic expectations? YES.

How exhausting it must be to think that we are constantly not good enough. That we never encompass anything we need to achieve our goals, to be happy, or to be healthy. To think that we must consistently tear down what we have spent so long building (ourselves) to ever get anywhere. Whew, I’m exhausted just writing about it.

When you are driving – if you miss a turn, would you completely start your trip over? Or would you simply get back on the path that you intended, at the next block?

Now granted, there are going to be times in our lives where something happens that does cause us to have to completely start over. If we are baking and realize that we forgot the flour, our dough probably isn’t going to turn out – just ask my friends about how a cookie that I recently tried to make ended up!

However, just because you have to start the process over of a specific task/goal, does not mean that all is lost. Throughout your first attempt, you likely learned a lot about the task at hand as well as about yourself. That experience and knowledge does not just go away. You get to take that with you into every attempt moving forward, as well as all the new knowledge that you will gain from those attempts.

Additionally, I am sure that you did some really great work in attempt one, despite the outcome! Life is not all-or-nothing. You can have made progress and have had good moments, even if the final outcome is not what you expected. Two truths can be true. Also, who says you still can’t make any changes you desire to? It’s never over until it’s over.

What if it was also true that you really did do just as well in the past year as you thought you did? What if the other shoe never dropped and won’t? What if you are just as great as people think you are and as you want to be? What if you are already in a place where past versions of you would be so proud to see?

I think many of us would find it easy to give the aforementioned words of advice/praise to a friend that may be being overly critical of themselves. Not only would we give them the advice, but we would believe it about them. We would see them for their truth. Why are they deserving of that way of thinking but you are not? Hint: You are. It’s time for that pesky voice in your head telling you the opposite, to take a back seat.

Additionally, I would argue that the idea of a “new year, new me” can actually fuel that pesky voice. It can take grace away from us and shame us into feeling like we failed or that there is nothing good about us in the current state that we are in. Looking at it from a corporate marketing and business perspective, this logically is a strategic game play.

If individuals keep getting reinforced with the message that they are not good enough and that they need to be re-invented, that means that nothing you own or are doing right now is capable of helping you achieve that. But guess who has the solution that will help you achieve that goal? The industries and platforms shoving these messages down your throat. If there is always a “problem” or insecurity, someone will always benefit from supplying the “solution”.

Do you feel that you want to lose weight because you actually want to or because society provides negative and harmful messaging about various body types? Do you actually want to change careers or are others asserting their bias on what a “respectable” career looks like? The list could be endless.Take time to dig into your motivations. In many of the places that the world tells us we need to change or are not good enough, we are actually just fine.

Additionally, I am not at all saying that you should not take steps or make changes to live the life you want to live. What I am saying is do it because it is what is right for you and because your motivation is in the right place, not because someone else is telling or guilting you to.

Change and progress built on a shaky and negative foundation will never support positive and healthy growth, no matter how hard you try. Cases like that are when we find ourselves in situations where we have to completely start over and may be why you might be experiencing dissatisfaction with certain areas of your life. Plants can’t grow in unstainable soil no matter how many times you water or replant them.

Lastly, remember that life is not a race and our worth is not tied to our productivity. Further, a lot of what is deemed “unproductive” is actually very productive. Take rest for example. Laying in bed all day while there are dishes to be done and calls to return may on the surface seem “lazy”, but how can a car go if it has no gas? Rest is productive and we also don’t always need to be concerned about where our productivity stands in the first place. This is not a Q4 data report. Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed.

Also, who says that increased rest can’t be a goal for your year ahead? Maybe you have not given yourself enough rest in the past year. You have not been kind enough to your mind, body, and soul. Why cannot your reflection from 2023 be that you want to incorporate more tenderness and calm into your 2024? Your goals are what YOU say they need to be to help you be your happiest and healthiest version of yourself and you get to define what happy and healthy looks like for your unique life.

So go get lost in a good book, wear the outfit that you have been hesitant to put on, take the risk that has been in the back of your mind, get back to the things that make you feel like “you”, and utilize that PTO for a rest day. Most importantly, no matter what 2024 has in store for you, BELIEVE in yourself. Because life is too short not to.

XOXO,

Motivation Reset

Try out these tips and tricks to help increase the potency of your authentic motivations!

Consistency. Matters. Even when you feel like you made a mistake, missed a day, fell off the wagon, etc., staying consistent in your attempts matters. The more we do something (even with the breaks and flaws), the easier it is for our brain to latch onto it and for it to feel more natural in the long run. We will dive more into why and how this works in future articles!
Activations and Affirmations: Affirmation statements are the positive things that we say to ourselves and activation statements put these positive things into action. Both are important!

An example of an affirmation statement is: “I am a good friend.”

An example of this as an activation statement is: “I choose to show up for my people in the ways that support them while also respecting my own capacities.”

The affirmation statements help guide our brain to think about ourselves more positively and the activation statements help us to take action on the positive parts of our lives that motivate us. Not only do the activation statements help us take action on our motivations, but they also help remind us that we always have choice and agency in deciding what our motivations and actions will be.
Journal and Reflect: Take time to self-reflect on what your motivations are, why those are your motivations, and if there are any adjustments that need to be made to your motivations (think of the things that we discussed in this article).

I recommend journaling as a way to do this as there is often a cathartic release when we get our thoughts out on paper- we are no longer solely responsible for the weight of carrying them. Additionally, writing things out is a great way to organize our thoughts and to provide a resource should we ever need reminders of why we striving towards the goals that we currently are.

What Word Do You Hope Will Describe Your 2024?

For this month’s article, I asked reader’s which word they hoped would describe their 2024. Their responses are reflected in the word cloud below.

Something that I noticed when reviewing the answers is the unmistakable theme of thriving. Many reader’s responded with an explanation as to why they picked their word, with a majority sharing a similar sentiment of wanting to heal from the past and enjoy this phase of their lives – and that they finally feel like they are in a place in which they can.

There is no doubt that these past few years have been increasingly unprecedented and the toll that that has taken on so many, in so many different ways. It brings me joy to see all the individuals who feel like they are returning back to themselves and embracing the things that make them feel happy, healed, and full again.