I saw a quote once that said, “Thank the woman that carried you through this year before you start telling her what she can do better in the next.” I had to sit with that for a moment after reading as I am as guilty as can be about being unnecessarily critical of myself at times. However, for better or for worse, the person that you currently are is who got you to this point and so they must have done something right.
As we start a new year, I find it important to share space with the goals that you have ahead and for the person that is already standing in front of you who has already accomplished so much. However, society is designed to make sure that we don’t do this.
The market and business thrive on you feeling like you are not good enough and need to buy their product or use their service to become whatever their fabricated definition of “enough” is. However, once you reach that benchmark, they will simply move the measuring stick so that your quest for satisfaction always goes unfulfilled leaving you dogged, dragged, and discouraged.
What if it were true that you already were enough? What if it were true that you already had so many amazing things going for you? What if it were true that the things society tells us are meticulously calculated lies that were curated specifically for your demise? Good news! These are not “what ifs” and are instead facts.
Tapping into these facts can set the tone on how your self-love, self-image, and intentions for the New Year will look. In our last article, Word of the Year, recreational therapist, Carol CTRS, spoke to the importance of having a healthy and open mindset when venturing into new chapters. Engaging in acts of gratitude can be a fun and meaningful way to help yourself do so.
Before we dive into the specific acts themselves, however, I want to demystify a few misconceptions about gratitude that may have been preventing you from engaging in it already.
Myth 1: Gratitude is basically toxic positivity glorified.
NO. Not if you are doing it right. There is a big difference between ignoring obvious negative experiences and not processing the related emotions (toxic positivity) and recognizing that pain and beauty can coexist and will always coexist in life. To hold space for both isn’t mislead optimism, it is healthy and mature emotional regulation.
Myth 2: I have to meditate or do yoga as a part of my gratitude ritual.
Also not true, but you definitely can! These practices definitely help open one’s mind and soul to connect with the positive intentions that they are trying to set while practicing gratitude (and have other great mental health benefits) but they are not required to be successful in practicing gratitude. There are actually a lot of awesome quick and simple ways to partake!
MYTH 3: It takes years to experience the effects.
As with anything in life, the longer you engage in it the more natural and likely successful it will become. However, gratitude is not something that takes years to experience the positive effects of! Have you heard of the 100 Days of Happy challenge? This was a challenge back in the early 2010s (if I haven’t pronounced myself as a millennial in any other ways, this will be sure to do it) where social media users were challenged to take and post a picture of something that made them happy that day. A simple 100 days was enough to have a powerful impact on many who participated!
Actions similar to those of the 100 Days of Happy challenge are actually my favorite way to practice gratitude. They are quick, easy, and low effort but still have the power to give you all the benefits of practicing gratitude.
One of the most important takeaways in jotting down, taking a picture, or collecting a memento of something positive from each day is the reminder that there is something good to find in each day and it does not have to be something life changing to make us happy.
I participated in the 100 Days of Happy Challenge and some days my pictures were as grand as large social gatherings that left me energized and other days were as small as that there was one beautiful flower on a walk that I had taken outside. Though vastly different, both are examples that beauty and happiness can come in all shapes and forms and that sometimes we just have to take the time to look for them.
This simple but consistently repetitive task also helps train your brain to naturally make space for gratitude and other positive life experiences. One of the most common barriers that I would see client’s experience when working as a clinical therapist is being trapped in the cycle of negative all-or-nothing thought cognitions. If something went bad in a day, that meant the whole day was now bad. If they consumed one small bag of chips, that meant their whole healthy eating pattern was now ruined.
It is a very common experience to find it hard to balance your mind and regulate your emotions to bounce back in a healthy manner from negative experiences. While commonly difficult, not impossible which makes it a great goal for therapy or your own intrapersonal work. This is because resilience is key as bad things are unfortunately impossible to ever fully escape. We have to curate the ability to stay on our paths of health and happiness despite.
That does not mean that there will not be a few road bumps, curve balls or that some days aren’t going to be a wash. It means that we fight for these things to not completely derail us and lean into the natural, albeit sometimes incredibly uncomfortable or painful, ebbs and flows of the spectrum of life.
Bad feelings, moments, events, or emotions can’t last forever and the more that you can help your brain naturally fight against negative all-or-nothing thought cognitions, build your resiliency, and create space for the good and bad, the easier it will be for you to navigate the multiple phases of life. This is what engaging in small acts of repetitive gratitude can help our brains to do.
How does the brain do that? I am glad you asked… ok you did not ask but this topic is one of my absolute favorites and so I had to find a way to include it in here ;). Neuroplasticity!! Our brains are so powerful and it’s actually amazing.
Neuroplasticity is a big part of why you are able to go from burning every meal you cook to being a skilled home chef. Why you are able to go from unhealthy relationship practices to understanding what a healthy relationship is and engaging in such. Why you are able to heal, grow, and change as a person. Our brains are INCREDIBLY malleable which is why we are able to explore any and every version of ourselves that we would like. How boring would life be if we never experienced anything new?
More specifically, neuroplasticity is the practice and experience of the brain building new neural networks around patterns of emotions, behavior, or thinking that we consistently come back to. A neural network is created around said pattern and the more we engage in that pattern, the more the neural network grows. The bigger and stronger neural networks in our brains are the ones that come more easily to us and thus shape our lives more forcefully.
The good news is that just as a neural network can grow, it can also shrink. That means that there is always hope for you to build healthier neural networks and shrink the ones that you are trying to revert from.
Engaging in small acts of gratitude starts to build a neural network that provides power to your brain to balance out negative all-or-nothing thought cognitions for a healthier state of being.
The more you use the healthier networks, the stronger they defend against the unhealthy ones. Eventually you want to find a balance where your brain is working in equilibrium of acknowledging and processing the negativity in the world and then being able to rebound when ready to keep persevering.
While I like the art of taking pictures of things that made me happy in a day, you can also jot a line down a day in a journal, fill a jar with slips of paper, or create time with someone to verbally share about your experiences. As long as your pattern is consistent, your neural network will grow.
I also love these options because you can typically come back and review all of your moments at a later date! It’s a cool keepsake and reminder of all the good that there is in the world. Seeing the jar, journal page, or camera roll fill up provides an important physical reminder and visualization to our brains.
If these types of things aren’t your jam, that’s ok! Adding gratitude into your daily prayers or spiritual practices, engaging in meditation or yoga and taking time for reflection, grounding into nature via a walk or other physical activity are also all effective forms of gratitude. Find what works for you!
I sincerely hope that you take time to engage in these kinds of practices to thank yourself for all that you got through, grew in, maintained, or did that got you to 2025. What are you most proud of? Which pictures did you take that made you smile? What was the most intriguing third space (a location of joy besides work or home) that you found this year? Did you try a new hobby that you unexpectedly enjoyed?
To start us off, I answered these questions myself:
What are you most proud of?: I am most proud of my ability to consistently stay true to myself even in difficult situations.
Which pictures did you take that made you smile?: I got really into walking this past year and would take pictures of the beautiful landscapes, gardens, or architecture throughout the city. It made me appreciate where I live even in the unfavorable seasons when I made myself take the time to really look around.
What was the most intriguing third space (a location of joy besides work or home) that you found this year?: I found the cutest little coffee shop in a historic district of my city that I find joy in completing tasks at, taking friends to when they visit, or chatting with my husband at during a lazy Saturday afternoon.
Did you try a new hobby that you unexpectedly enjoyed?: I have not tried the hobby yet but I received a rock tumbler for Christmas which my inner child is elated about. I have always picked up interesting looking stones from places we visit since I was a child and older me can’t wait to bring them back to life. Maybe I will make art with them!
Overall, this year I really made time to get back to the hobbies and interests that brought younger me joy. Nature, art, creating music, crafting. I genuinely feel like a piece of me that was shelved has been dusted off and reenergized. I can’t wait to keep trying new things in 2025!
Happy New Year, dear friends – cheers to making time for the small but joyful things!
XOXO,
KC
Empowered Mental Health and Wellness 